Something has changed. I went to PA for two weeks and left my family behind. This was a vacation to meet two "almost" strangers who quickly became very good friends and during the visit, something changed in me, for me, and since coming home, I've been worrying at it like a dog with a bone.
While I was gone, those two weeks without the responsibilities, joys, duties of being a wife and mother (except for the phone calls) I was completely free to be me. I could be happy, sad, depressed, joyful, sarcastic, introspective, extroverted, funny, grumpy, whatever I wanted. I had the freedom to read, to play, to bead, to do anything I wanted or just to be.
After 17 years of being a wife and a mother just being me was bewildering to say the least. And still is.
Laurie, one of my new dear friends, made the comment "Midlife crisis" during my moment of just letting go of everything and being totally wild, happy and manic. If that was a crisis, bring it on, let's have more of it.
However, coming home again, assuming the "role" of being mother and wife and conforming to the rules of both have left a certain disquietude within me. Who WAS that person, was that REALLY me and if so, who am I now? Do I even like who I have become? What do I do with what I found?
I love my children and being their mother, I wouldn't trade it for anything. However, I think I have found that there is much more to me than that. The question is, what do I do with it? Do I quietly put it away and save it for when the last one leaves home (at least 10 years until college), am I able to even DO that?
There is an old saying, " A little Knowledge is a Dangerous thing". Take the word "knowledge" out and substitute "freedom" and that's where I am. Having tasted it, I'm greedy for more. And yet... I am still a wife and mother. I still have responsibilities, duties, a role to perform. It will be interesting to say the least to see if some of what I have discovered bubbles out in weird and wonderful ways or if I quietly fall into line and do /be what I have always done/been.
Monday, October 11, 2010
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
Being unemployed
This is such a weird place to be at this point in my life. I'm 54 years old and have been unemployed for a little over two years. My unemployment will be exhaused in six weeks and we are teetering on the edge of losing everything. I've got to check this week to see how much I will lose on the two 401Ks I have if I cash them out. I have to deal with the reality that if I don't cash them out we will have no place to live.
I'm battling depression and living up to Jeannes Dixon's description of me: "you start a lot of things that you don't finish." (As Activities Vice President I hired her to speak at a community college years ago. She held my ring finger and made that statement.) Can't tell you how many times that has haunted me.
This has been such a roller coaster ride but I'm tired of going down. Every time we think we have come up with an alternative to our living situation, something goes awry and we have to try something else. I've got religious folk offering their prayers and other offering ideas that have already been tried on and tossed. I have my husband trying to reassure me that it's not my fault that we're in this mess; but we would'nt BE in this mess if I was working. Heavy sigh....
I don't know when or how this ride will end, but I know it will eventually. Just afraid of the additional cost. All this for standing up for something I believed in at work. Will I ever be able to understand why I was the only one who stood up? At the same time I wish I was one of the former co-workers who held on until they found another job or quit without a job to go to. Even though I am proud I held onto my integrity and know I am a better person for it, I foolishly thought that good karma was going to kick in and end this drought.
I'm battling depression and living up to Jeannes Dixon's description of me: "you start a lot of things that you don't finish." (As Activities Vice President I hired her to speak at a community college years ago. She held my ring finger and made that statement.) Can't tell you how many times that has haunted me.
This has been such a roller coaster ride but I'm tired of going down. Every time we think we have come up with an alternative to our living situation, something goes awry and we have to try something else. I've got religious folk offering their prayers and other offering ideas that have already been tried on and tossed. I have my husband trying to reassure me that it's not my fault that we're in this mess; but we would'nt BE in this mess if I was working. Heavy sigh....
I don't know when or how this ride will end, but I know it will eventually. Just afraid of the additional cost. All this for standing up for something I believed in at work. Will I ever be able to understand why I was the only one who stood up? At the same time I wish I was one of the former co-workers who held on until they found another job or quit without a job to go to. Even though I am proud I held onto my integrity and know I am a better person for it, I foolishly thought that good karma was going to kick in and end this drought.
Saturday, December 19, 2009
our set up.
going to try and post some pictures of what we had at the BEGINNING of the show, the only show we did. Should actually have taken some pictures at the end because with nothing to do, we did a LOT of creating those two days.
Monday, November 30, 2009
Swings and Roundabouts
Tis the season and all that stuff and for crafters it's a busy month. They're off to shows every weekend to sell their wares and make money for Christmas and to buy in more supplies. I used to be one of them but no more. Not after the last show.
Ever had a show where the attendance is minimal, the two days seem like two weeks and you don't even make your booth costs? Of course you have. We all have. It's frustrating, it's depressing and if you're anything like me, you rant and rave for a while and swear you're never going BACK to that show.
Well, Leanne and I had a show that was something like that. Bad year, bad attendance etc. It was not the sponsors fault, they advertised all over the place, but the grumbles were heard from all corners. I heard one woman say ( on the first day) that all she sold were a couple of bracelets and a necklace and had made only $20.00.
Gee, we wish we had made that much. In fact, we wish we had made something, anything! It was the first show I had ever been to that I sold absolutely nothing. We were the only booth that at the end of the show, had more inventory than when we started. For two days we had nothing better to than create more jewelry and buy B.J's fantabulous Bar-B-que sauce. I bought 5 bottles and Himself bought one too. Great stuff.
After the show, we were of course upset. We knew our prices were out of step with most of the things being sold there and while we didn't expect to sell much, we didn't expect a big fat goose egg. Then, I talked to a friend of mine, extremely smart, scary smart in fact and he said something to me, that I passed on to Leanne. Something simple, elemental and brilliant. He had the pleasure of making TWO women feel stupid in the space of ten minutes (I called her as soon as I could stop blushing from the embarassment of being so dang dumb!).
"Kathleen," he says, "what you should do is..." and at that point I thought of the fortune cookie that I got the night before the show opening. I kid you not, this is the absolute truth, the cookie said "You need to start a new collection or get a new hobby." After that craft show you can imagine how THAT kept running through my head.
At any rate back to Dave's brilliance, "what you should do is..."
"Find a new hobby?" says I
"No, you need to sell at ART SHOWS!"
Well, DUH! After banging my head against the wall and having finished blushing I call Leanne. So now two of us are feeling really stupid.
Then synchronicity comes into play. "You mean there's MORE to this story?"
Darn tootin.
Turns out there is a woman (Christine Gierer) who is starting a new website (Handmaderesults.comand )giving free lessons to people who want to learn how to sell jewelry online. Turns out there are more than a few of us that really need to learn how to do this. Along with the free lessons she will also have paid membership lessons, premier and premier plus which has coaching.
Leanne and I need something like this desperately. We really want to know how to run our website and make a profit. So we signed up for it and I entered a contest that ran to win a free premier or premier plus membership and would you believe it! I found out this morning that I won the free premier lessons.
So in the space of two weeks we've swung from the depths of misery and rounded up to being excited, hopeful and happy about what we've done hither to and what we will accomplish in the future.
So swings and roundabouts my friends. Nothing stays the same and every depressed beader can have their day. ;-)
Ever had a show where the attendance is minimal, the two days seem like two weeks and you don't even make your booth costs? Of course you have. We all have. It's frustrating, it's depressing and if you're anything like me, you rant and rave for a while and swear you're never going BACK to that show.
Well, Leanne and I had a show that was something like that. Bad year, bad attendance etc. It was not the sponsors fault, they advertised all over the place, but the grumbles were heard from all corners. I heard one woman say ( on the first day) that all she sold were a couple of bracelets and a necklace and had made only $20.00.
Gee, we wish we had made that much. In fact, we wish we had made something, anything! It was the first show I had ever been to that I sold absolutely nothing. We were the only booth that at the end of the show, had more inventory than when we started. For two days we had nothing better to than create more jewelry and buy B.J's fantabulous Bar-B-que sauce. I bought 5 bottles and Himself bought one too. Great stuff.
After the show, we were of course upset. We knew our prices were out of step with most of the things being sold there and while we didn't expect to sell much, we didn't expect a big fat goose egg. Then, I talked to a friend of mine, extremely smart, scary smart in fact and he said something to me, that I passed on to Leanne. Something simple, elemental and brilliant. He had the pleasure of making TWO women feel stupid in the space of ten minutes (I called her as soon as I could stop blushing from the embarassment of being so dang dumb!).
"Kathleen," he says, "what you should do is..." and at that point I thought of the fortune cookie that I got the night before the show opening. I kid you not, this is the absolute truth, the cookie said "You need to start a new collection or get a new hobby." After that craft show you can imagine how THAT kept running through my head.
At any rate back to Dave's brilliance, "what you should do is..."
"Find a new hobby?" says I
"No, you need to sell at ART SHOWS!"
Well, DUH! After banging my head against the wall and having finished blushing I call Leanne. So now two of us are feeling really stupid.
Then synchronicity comes into play. "You mean there's MORE to this story?"
Darn tootin.
Turns out there is a woman (Christine Gierer) who is starting a new website (Handmaderesults.comand )giving free lessons to people who want to learn how to sell jewelry online. Turns out there are more than a few of us that really need to learn how to do this. Along with the free lessons she will also have paid membership lessons, premier and premier plus which has coaching.
Leanne and I need something like this desperately. We really want to know how to run our website and make a profit. So we signed up for it and I entered a contest that ran to win a free premier or premier plus membership and would you believe it! I found out this morning that I won the free premier lessons.
So in the space of two weeks we've swung from the depths of misery and rounded up to being excited, hopeful and happy about what we've done hither to and what we will accomplish in the future.
So swings and roundabouts my friends. Nothing stays the same and every depressed beader can have their day. ;-)
Monday, November 9, 2009
Going Purple?
Food for thought. I read something last night that set me thinking. When it comes to selling making jewelry we should do something that sets us apart. Well, there's a "DUH" statement if ever one was made. The problem is finding that something. It went on to say something like concentrate on one that that you love. Cats, dogs, colors etc. And BAM!
Leanne and I love PURPLE. She loves the darker purples and I'm a lilac type person. So what if instead of trying to make all sorts of lovely jewelry for the whole world, we concentrated on the "Purple People Eaters" (those of you who are around my age may remember that song)?
All our Jewelry already has a very high quality amethyst in it, what if we just expanded that theme to the whole piece and worked on PURPLES. Just purples.
Leanne is probably not out of bed yet, however I'm going over to her house this afternoon anyway, I may spring it on her then. Or not. I may just call her and see what her response is.
We are starting to sweat. Our one and only show is this weekend and due to all the swine flu that's infiltrated my house, we've gotten nothing done. She can't come over because she's a care taker for her elderly parents, and no way can we risk her infecting them. I had the flu and am over it, so it's safe for me to visit. It is going to be a MAJOR hassle though. I've got to pack up a TON of stuff, bring it over and then UNPACK it. >sigh< All for the cause.
Anyway, I need to ponder on the purple proposition. Preposterous or Possible?
Leanne and I love PURPLE. She loves the darker purples and I'm a lilac type person. So what if instead of trying to make all sorts of lovely jewelry for the whole world, we concentrated on the "Purple People Eaters" (those of you who are around my age may remember that song)?
All our Jewelry already has a very high quality amethyst in it, what if we just expanded that theme to the whole piece and worked on PURPLES. Just purples.
Leanne is probably not out of bed yet, however I'm going over to her house this afternoon anyway, I may spring it on her then. Or not. I may just call her and see what her response is.
We are starting to sweat. Our one and only show is this weekend and due to all the swine flu that's infiltrated my house, we've gotten nothing done. She can't come over because she's a care taker for her elderly parents, and no way can we risk her infecting them. I had the flu and am over it, so it's safe for me to visit. It is going to be a MAJOR hassle though. I've got to pack up a TON of stuff, bring it over and then UNPACK it. >sigh< All for the cause.
Anyway, I need to ponder on the purple proposition. Preposterous or Possible?
Monday, October 5, 2009
Well meaning people, good intentions and all that jazz!
Doncha just love people who know how to do EVERYTHING better than you do? "Oh you shouldn't do it that way, you should do it THIS way." "Here, let me tell you how it really works and what that is really used for." And my personal favorite, "Well, that's not how a REAL business does it."
That one really has me loading my gun and reaching for my lawyer. What do you mean "REAL business???" I AM a real business. I have my fein number and my resale number, I sell and buy and have the filed taxes to prove it. So what if I don't do it the same way everyone else does, everyone ELSE crashed when the stock market did. Look at the number of businesses, oh excuse me, REAL businesses that have had to close their doors and I'm still here.
Yep, that one REALLY gets the old and tired juices flowing.
Leanne and I are getting ready for our (probably) one and only craft show this year. I'm pretty happy that we were able to find THIS one so late in the season. Of course that they still has openings has me a bit worried that it might be a dud. Been there and done that in San Jose. Nothing worse than a two day show with no customers!
The other thing that does concern me is that there are going to be the well known brands as well as those of us who aren't so well known. Having done that before too, I am a bit worried that we won't be able to compete.
Of course, when it comes to setting up an interesting table to show ones goods off to their advantage is also NOT my forte. Okay, let's be blunt. While I can make nice jewelry, when it comes to decorating, I'm CRAP! Just once I'd like to have a table that people ooohed and aaaaaahed over. I hope Leanne has better instincts that I have as it would be nice to announce ourselves to the local community with a Roar instead of a constipated whimper!
Well, back to the real world. Today I'm baking pumpkin muffins (cooked up the pumpkin yesterday and couldn't finish the rest as the electricity kept going out. We had a HUGE wind storm), seeing the quack about my blood pressure and diabetes, and dealing with the two eldest children who are in bed ill today. yippee skippee.
That one really has me loading my gun and reaching for my lawyer. What do you mean "REAL business???" I AM a real business. I have my fein number and my resale number, I sell and buy and have the filed taxes to prove it. So what if I don't do it the same way everyone else does, everyone ELSE crashed when the stock market did. Look at the number of businesses, oh excuse me, REAL businesses that have had to close their doors and I'm still here.
Yep, that one REALLY gets the old and tired juices flowing.
Leanne and I are getting ready for our (probably) one and only craft show this year. I'm pretty happy that we were able to find THIS one so late in the season. Of course that they still has openings has me a bit worried that it might be a dud. Been there and done that in San Jose. Nothing worse than a two day show with no customers!
The other thing that does concern me is that there are going to be the well known brands as well as those of us who aren't so well known. Having done that before too, I am a bit worried that we won't be able to compete.
Of course, when it comes to setting up an interesting table to show ones goods off to their advantage is also NOT my forte. Okay, let's be blunt. While I can make nice jewelry, when it comes to decorating, I'm CRAP! Just once I'd like to have a table that people ooohed and aaaaaahed over. I hope Leanne has better instincts that I have as it would be nice to announce ourselves to the local community with a Roar instead of a constipated whimper!
Well, back to the real world. Today I'm baking pumpkin muffins (cooked up the pumpkin yesterday and couldn't finish the rest as the electricity kept going out. We had a HUGE wind storm), seeing the quack about my blood pressure and diabetes, and dealing with the two eldest children who are in bed ill today. yippee skippee.
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